I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
