I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
