I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
