Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
