Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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