fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
