I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
