well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
