Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
