I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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