oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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