It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
