you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
