i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize