The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
