so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i think we sleep fucked last night...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
