My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
