Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
