it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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