Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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