Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
