I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
