oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
