Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Vodka?
Forever.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
