It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
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We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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