Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
