I am in a vortex of obligation.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
