...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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