I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
