If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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