yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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