She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
