just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Holy sore nipples Batman
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
