We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
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That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
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I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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