I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
