sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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