I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
