I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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