did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
