I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We got so high we made milksteak
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
