I have demons in me.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
