So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
