i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
