"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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