You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
