nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
