"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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