Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
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WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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