i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
