your thong is hanging out like whoa
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
