I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
