I skipped work to stalk him.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
