It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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