I got chris browned last night
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
