Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
