If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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