Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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