There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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