So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
