At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
