shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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