I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
