I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
