about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
