I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
