i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
